Updated 11:45 a.m. | Ridiculously long lines. Highly intrusive security screenings. Terribly limited access.

It’ll be a miracle if we survive Pope Francis’ visit to Capitol Hill.

Luckily, a host of #ThisTown’s finest are offering up myriad ways to commemorate the papal fly-in:

Doodle His Holiness

Redoing the Sistine Chapel it ain’t. But would-be Michelangelos can take a crack at immortalizing the pontiff Tuesday via ArtJamz’s “Paint the Pope” workshop.

The free-form class includes two-hours of studio time, hands-on instruction — “A talented instructor will demonstrate basic painting techniques such as blending, glazing, overpainting and underpainting, and wet-on-wet versus wet-on-dry; as well as the basics steps of portraiture such as accurately measuring your subject, correct proportions, how to shape and shade eyes, noses, and mouths, how to mix the right colors, and much more!” organizers pledged online — and all the materials necessary (easel, smock, paints, brushes) to produce your own pope-y portrait.

The workshop is from 7 to 9 p.m. at ArtJamz’ studio in Dupton Circle. Tickets start at $40 per person.

Eat, Drink and Be Prayer-y

In addition to serving a host of religiously themed craft brews — think: Brewer’s Art Resurrection, DC Brau’s On the Wings of Armageddon and a signature draft created by Franklin’s Brewpub in Hyattsville, Md., dubbed, “No Pope, ‘til Brookland,” among others — Brookland Pint (716 Monroe St. NE) is opening extra special early to accommodate the faithful.

The neighborhood watering hole plans to throw open its doors at 7 a.m. Wednesday, just in time to ply those heading to the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception for services with a carbonated pick-me-up or a rousing repast.

Featured breakfast items include a classic two-egg breakfast (bolstered by bacon or sausage, plus potatoes and toast; $12), mushroom-leek frittata ($12), biscuits and gravy ($12), spinach-bacon-cheddar breakfast burrito ($10), fried egg-topped BLT ($10) and sourdough waffles ($9).

Our Brother’s Keeper

Newly installed House-dining contractor Sodexo isn’t rolling out any Francis-related comestibles.

But the congressional eateries Thursday do plan on being there for early risers.

The expanded hours include:

• Cannon Mini-mart: 7:30 a.m. to 4 p.m.
• Capitol Mini-mart: 5 a.m. to 5 p.m.
• Ford Cafeteria: 7:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.
• Ford Mini-mart: 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.
• Longworth 12: 7 a.m. to 6 p.m.
• Longworth Cafeteria: 6:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.
• Rayburn Cafeteria: 7 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.

Holy Rollers

Ella’s Wood Fired Pizza (610 Ninth St. NW) has prepared a pope-friendly pie designed to mimic the Vatican flag, forged from marinated yellow tomatoes, mozzarella, ricotta, garlic and basil.

The specialty pizza, which is scheduled to be available Monday through Saturday, will pop up on the happy hour (7-inch version will sell for $6 from 4 to 7 p.m.), stand alone on the dinner menu ($15 for a 10-inch serving) and be bundled into a meal deal (10-inch pie plus a Birra Moretti for $20).

Oh yeah, the restaurant is also giving away gift certificates to those who snap a selfie with the on-site cutout of Francis and then tag said photo (#EllasPopePizza) on social media.

Do Unto Others

The Embassy Row Hotel is getting all charitable Tuesday by hosting a rooftop “Pope Party” benefiting So Others Might Eat.

In a nod to Francis’ South American roots, party planners have carved out a menu featuring assorted empanadas and spreadable dulce de luche. Tickets start at $25 per person, which includes one complimentary glass of malbec.

Doing the Lord’s Work

Atlas District mainstay The Pug (1234 H St. NE) won’t be conjuring up any novelty drinks or finger foods this week.

But management will extend a helping hand.

“We’re going to open all day Wednesday and Thursday for ‘telecommuting,’” owner Tony Tomelden said of his plan to keep “our usual cheap beer and whiskey” flowing from noon till last call on Sept. 23 and 24.

Your Daily Bread

Local hospitality baron Spike Mendelsohn wants overworked security personnel to know their efforts have not gone unnoticed.

From Tuesday through Thursday, world-weary cops can refuel at We, The Pizza (305 Pennsylvania Ave. SE) with any two slices of pizza and a soda for $8.

Balms for the Poor

Restaurateur Teddy Folkman plans to feed and water those brave souls that venture out this week with some cut-rate deals.

The normally nocturnal Granville Moore’s (1238 H St. NE) is projected to open Wednesday and Thursday from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. for lunch, and will feature discounted appetizers ($2 off), mussels ($14 per order) and burgers ($2 off).

The Belgian gastropub will also continue its tradition of slashing prices on all Trappist brews (25 percent of) on hump day.

Refresh Thy Soul

The Hay-Adams (800 16th St. NW) has mixed up a pair of papal-inspired thirst quenchers perfect for those who enjoy communing with spirits.

The featured beverages, both of which will be served at Off the Record and The Lafayette through Friday, include a specialty martini and some majorly fortified wine.

“The Holy Grail” combines Hendrick’s Gin with Benedictine, lemon juice, all garnished with three olives and bonus extra virgin olive oil.

“An ineffable take on the Martini served up or ‘On this Rock,’” a publicist shared with HOH via email.

The companion “Castro Novo” marries Châteauneuf-du-Pape with cognac, sherry, aromatic liqueur and flamed citrus.

Each drink will set one back about $16.

Related:

D.C. Denizens Pray #Popeapalooza Goes Well

Pope Francis Inspires Tchotchkes Galore

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