While mainstream media got all hot and bothered about Florida Republican Sen. Marco Rubio’s post-SOTU drinking habits (Poland Spring ought to flood his political action committee with loot), Internet denizens have much more burning questions about the rising GOP star.

(Auto-fill is a journalistic godsend.)

Google

I smell a holy war.

Bing

Now’s your chance to snap those all important “before” pics, Rogaine.

Yahoo!

Height-ists are the worst.

Ask

Confidence is medium that The Donald is all over this.

Alta Vista

(Screenshot)