Heard on the Hill: Brigadoon Inc.

Posted October 1, 2008 at 6:53pm

With all the talk of the Wall Street bailout (or is it rescue?) bill, nosy reporters have been taking another look at Members’ financial disclosure forms to see just what investments Congress-folk hold.

[IMGCAP(1)]We were particularly intrigued by a line in Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee’s disclosure form, which notes that the Texas Democrat owns $1,000 to $15,000 in something called “Brannon Stock.” Sounds innocuous enough. But the really curious part, though, is the note below it, which reads, “Company may not exist.” Strangely enough, the same notation was also made in Jackson Lee’s financial form from the previous year.

Jackson Lee would not comment on the odd notation or why she holds stock in a possibly imaginary firm. Now, HOH is no financial adviser, but even we know that nonexistent companies’ stocks don’t pay great dividends.

But, inspired by Jackson Lee, we’re looking into buying muni bonds for the Neighborhood of Make-Believe.

Giving No Quarter. The corruption trial of Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) is the main attraction at the U.S. District Court. And the courthouse is consumed by all things Alaska in more than one way: Court denizens tell HOH that the building’s cafeteria has been doling out change that includes an unusual number of Alaska quarters, a phenomenon that’s amusing those who are in the building for the Senator’s trial.

The quarters — the 49th issue of the U.S. mint’s 50-state series — feature a grizzly bear gripping a flailing salmon in its mouth. The U.S. Mint introduced the coins on Aug. 25, which coincidentally was just a few days before GOP presidential nominee Sen. John McCain (Ariz.) thrust Alaska in the national spotlight by choosing the state’s governor, Sarah Palin, as his running mate. (Another fun fact: Palin approved the quarter’s design in April 2007.)

A Mint spokeswoman explains that the sudden appearance of the Alaska-themed currency is probably because it’s the most recently released quarter and that it takes several weeks after its release to trickle from Federal Reserve banks out into the public.

Seeking a Stimulating Sarah. With comedian Tina Fey drawing in so many “Saturday Night Live” viewers with her dead-on Sarah Palin impersonation, it’s not a surprise there would be more look-alike roles out there for Palin doppelgangers.

And for some of those actresses who resemble the Alaska governor, the interview process will get pretty revealing.

A recent job posting on Craiglist seeks a “a Sarah Palin Lookalike ASAP for Adult Film.” According to the ad, a “Major adult studio” based in Los Angeles is in need of a would-be sexy starlet to play the would-be sexy vice president.

Interested parties should “send pix, stats etc. ASAP,” the ad urges, adding that there’s “No anal required” for the gig. Pay ranges from $2,000 to $3,000, which seems like a pretty good deal, as average pornography performers bring in $300 to $1,000 per day, according to a 2005 report published by University of California, Berkeley.

The posting doesn’t reveal any other details about the film, but HOH expects that plotlines centered on offshore drilling will have nothing to do with oil.

Keeping It Under Wraps. Whenever that Sarah Palin-themed porn flick is made (see above item), HOH hopes the performers practice safe sex. And thanks to the entrepreneurship of one New York-based company, the sexy stars can totally do it in vice presidential style.

Condom retailer Practicing Safe Policy officially launched a line of “Palin Condoms” on Wednesday. With a tagline of “When Abortion Is Not An Option” and the guarantee that they’re “Hockey Mom Approved,” each latex condom, also approved by the Food and Drug Administration, sells for $5.95.

And aside from their catchy slogans, Palin Condoms also include endorsements, including one from “Bristol from Alaska,” who says, “I wish I had used one of these!” Meanwhile, “Levi from Alaska” notes, “Me too!”

“We don’t know if these are the same ones who are pregnant right now,” joked company founder Benjamin Sherman, referring to Palin’s teenage daughter and her fiance. “This is just what we know.”

(“John from Arizona” also endorses the condoms, saying they “were just what I needed to make me feel like the young guy in the spotlight again!”)

Astute HOH readers will remember that Practicing Safe Policy released McCain- and Obama-themed condoms in June. Sherman tells HOH that since then, more than 50,000 have been sold online and in stores such as Spencer Gifts.

Unfortunately, there won’t be any condoms named after Democratic vice presidential nominee Sen. Joseph Biden (Del.) any time soon, Sherman said.

“He’s just not funny,” Sherman said.

Slings and Arrows. The White House, the presidential nominees and all manner of financial experts have been urging Congress to quickly pass the Wall Street bailout/rescue plan, arguing that it will pull the country back from the brink of financial doomsday. They probably weren’t referring to Section 503 of the legislation, which repeals the excise tax on, um, wooden practice arrows typically used by children for archery practice.

But that wacky provision is indeed now part of the high-priority bill — it hitched a ride there as part of a package of tax extenders added to build support for the underlying measure. In addition to, oh, saving the economy from collapse, the bill exempts from the excise tax arrows with “any shaft consisting of all natural wood with no laminations or artificial means of enhancing the spine of such shaft (whether sold separately or incorporated as part of a finished or unfinished product) of a type used in the manufacture of any arrow which after its assembly — measures 5/16 of an inch or less in diameter.”

HOH’s calls to the Archery Trade Association weren’t returned by deadline, but we are confident that the Republic is now saved.

Briefly Quoted. “i love when we stop the partisan bickering and just hate constituents together.. it warms the cockles of my heart.”

— Anonymous Hill staffer, posting on the Web site thecapitolist.com, where Hill staffers have paused their usual Democrats vs. Republicans squabbling to complain about the calls coming into their offices about the Wall Street bailout bill.

Jennifer Yachnin and Matthew Murray contributed to this report.

Submit your hot tips, juicy gossip or comments here.