Cowboy Baby

Posted January 22, 2007 at 7:23pm

Hey, Republicans, looking for a role model? Tired of Ronald Reagan? Think Abraham Lincoln is all played out? Here’s a suggestion — Kid Rock. [IMGCAP(1)]

That’s right, GOP campaigners all across the land should learn some lessons at the feet of the former Mr. Pamela Anderson himself.

Says who? David All, the former spokesman to Rep. Jack Kingston (R-Ga.) who now has his own little media consulting firm, the David All Group, that focuses on using the Web and the blogosphere to round up votes.

In an essay on his company’s Web site, “MySpace rocks! Just ask the Kid,” All points out that the “American Badass” Kid Rock’s MySpace page has received a gazillion Web hits, far more than that of the wussy folk singer Paul Simon.

“Kid’s success online is helping him reach his fan base on their terms which equates to more albums and concert tickets being purchased in an industry constantly fighting a downward spiral,” All said of the Republican singer of such gems as “Early Morning Stoned Pimp” and “You Never Met a Motherf—er Quite Like Me.”

“We need to take a cue from Kid and start getting it,” All counsels.

For the sake of balance, All also draws inspiration from the “openly-liberal” Swedish band OK Go, the group that did that cool video where they all dance on treadmills.

In the essay, All further suggests that Republicans should start an escort service for all the right reasons and set up shop at the top of the Four Seasons.

OK, that’s not true. But HOH does look forward to the first Republican presidential candidate who is willing to don a giant pimp suit and leap from treadmill to treadmill to attract the youth vote.

March of the Penguins. So House Democrats have already renamed a few committees since they took over the chamber a few weeks ago. Are they now going to rename a committee they just created a few days ago?

That’s what a recent release from the “House Select Committee on Global Warming, Energy & Happy Feet” might suggest, at least to the reader with an underdeveloped sense of irony.

The anonymously authored release, which has been bouncing around House e-mail inboxes, is a spoof of Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s (D-Calif.) recent announcement that she wants to create a real Select Committee on Global Warming.

That proposal has gotten a “cool” reception from many business lobbyists, Republicans and even some Democrats like House Energy and Commerce Chairman John Dingell (Mich.).

The fake release includes the “seal” of the Warming & Happy Feet panel, featuring several dancing penguins.

“Don’t be suckered by that ice on your windshield this morning, it’s getting hot in here,” the release quotes a “memo from the Speaker’s office” as saying.

“Hey, why work in Washington when the Global Warming Committee needs you to go where it’s warm? … Just look at our recent hot publicity, and that’s before we even took our show on the road! If you’ve got happy feet, we need you!”

Ah, global warming humor — the best kind. HOH would have called the actual Select Global Warming Committee for comment, but it doesn’t exist yet.

Help Me, Tom Cruise. There’s a first time for everything, and HOH is sad to announce that for the first time ever, a candidate endorsed by HOH to be social director of the Republican Communications Association did not win that post.

That’s right, Greg Keeley — the Australian spokesman for Rep. Ed Royce (R-Calif.) whose RCA campaign platform was composed entirely of quotes from “Talladega Nights” — lost his bid to be one of the RCA’s two social directors despite HOH’s prestigious endorsement.

Keeley came in third in the three-person field, losing to Rachel Bauer, spokeswoman for Rep. Eric Cantor (R-Va.), and Brad Dayspring, spokesman for Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-Texas).

Hearteningly, Keeley says he is looking at the bright side of his loss.

“I’ve now sent in my application to ‘The Real World,’” Keeley said in a post-election statement. “I’m putting A LOT of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. Also, given I will have some spare time, I’m considering growing a beard, inventing the Internet, debunking global warming and maybe writing a ballet featuring Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.”

Fair-weather fan that he is, HOH would like to congratulate Bauer and Dayspring for their victories. Kudos also go to the other newly elected members of the RCA executive committee — President Jim Billimoria, Vice President Amos Snead, Treasurer Charlie Keller and Professional Development Directors Kristen Cole and Matt Lambert. They would be happy to sign your baby.

Please send your hot tips, juicy gossip or comments to hoh@rollcall.com.