Bad Hair Year
Sen. Carl Levin (D-Mich.) has won the inaugural “Who has the worst hair in Congress?” poll conducted by Politics1.com, a political Web site.
In the end, the contest was a runaway with Levin crushing such pretenders to the hirsute throne as Sen.
Trent Lott (R-Miss.), Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio), Rep. John Mica (R-Fla.), Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.), Rep. Joel Hefley (R-Colo.), and surprise write-in candidate/Democratic presidential nominee Sen. John Kerry (Mass.), among others.
Levin got the nod from nearly 49 percent of the 1,203 respondents in the recent poll, and thanks to what Politics1.com calls his “massive and messy comb-over,” the Michigan Democrat has earned the right “to wear Bad Hair Hall of Famer [former Democratic Ohio Rep.] Jim Traficant’s horrendous rug” for the next 12 months.
Second place went to Lott for his famous “bulletproof ‘do,” and Kucinich, the former “boy mayor” of Cleveland, finished third. Kerry ended up ninth with less than 1 percent of the vote thanks to only 11 write-in ballots.
Levin’s reaction to being judged as having the worst coiffure on Capitol Hill? A bald no comment.
Now You Tell Us. The Weekly World News has once again scooped the apparently clueless Washington press corps. It’s latest bombshell: “Twelve Members of Congress Are Space Aliens!”
According to the tabloid, President Bush is aware of the fact that “bulb heads” have infested Capitol Hill, as is the FBI. “Key questions that the president wants answered include whether the creatures will support the war in Iraq with extraterrestrial troops, cash and hardware — including flying saucers equipped with laser weapons — once their true identities are known,” said the April 19 article.
Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) evidently is not an alien, according to an FBI source who talked to the tab. “And we strongly suspect that Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.) and Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.) are human too,” said the source, although a “dashing young politician that everyone would know” reportedly melted a French reporter’s pen by “cocking his head and glaring at it” until an aide told him to stop.
No individual lawmakers were singled out in the article as ETs, but the WWN helpfully provided tips on how to tell if your colleague or boss is from another world: “Space aliens can he high-handed and act superior because they come from advanced cultures and are much more intelligent than you are. If you feel a Congressman talks down to his constituents or patronizes them shamelessly, he might be from another world.” Also this: “Space alien females tend to be homely or even look like men in wigs and women’s clothes. If a Congresswoman purports to be a female but doesn’t quite look it, you’ll want to keep an eye on her.”
HOH has had it’s suspicions, which are now confirmed, and urges the alien Members to step forward.
Taxi Driver. Staffers in the Cannon House Office Building witnessed a Hollywood movie-worthy chase scene Wednesday afternoon when a rogue taxi cab driver outran and eluded Capitol Police officers.
According to a House aide who watched the incident unfold, the taxi knocked into a construction sign while driving east on Independence Avenue.
“We heard a loud noise. I looked outside and there was a white cab,” recalled the aide, who requested anonymity. “It knocked down the sign that said ‘Sidewalk Closed.’”
It appeared the cab was trying to avoid a long line of traffic by pulling into a lane partially closed by construction, the aide said.
“The cops swarmed on it pretty quickly with their guns out,” the aide said. But when Capitol Police officers approached the vehicle, the driver pulled around the officers and sped away.
Although a foot patrol officer called for backup, officers failed to apprehend the suspect.
“Our officers attempted to stop him, he disobeyed the officers’ order to stop and took off,” said Officer Michael Lauer, a Capitol Police spokesman. “A short pursuit followed but we were unable to stop the vehicle.”
No estimates were available on property damage caused by the incident.
Quickie Party. The release of a new biography on Democratic presidential nominee Sen. John Kerry (Mass.) by Boston Globe reporters Michael Kranish, Brian Mooney and Nina Easton will be celebrated with a high-powered party next week that will include Globe Editor Martin Baron, who penned the book’s preface himself.
The book, called “John F. Kerry: The Complete Biography: By the Boston Globe Reporters Who Know Him Best,” is being published by Public Affairs Books and is scheduled for release Tuesday. The idea for the quickie bio grew out of a series of articles the Globe ran last June looking at Kerry’s life in great detail. The three Globers argue that Kerry, despite his 21 years in public life, including 19 years in the U.S. Senate, “is something of a mystery to the public, largely because of a complex yet riveting personal and professional history,” all of which will be spelled out in the new book.
Invitees to the party include: John and Teresa Heinz Kerry, as well as other top campaign officials; Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.) and members of the Massachusetts delegation; senior Bush administration officials such as Karl Rove and Andrew Card (a Bay Stater himself); and several Supreme Court justices. Ralph Nader, who has launched his own presidential campaign, despite pleas from Democrats not to, got an invite as well. No word yet on who’s RSVPed for the April 30 gig.
“It’s also an opportunity to introduce the [Globe] staff to the Washington community,” said Easton, the Globe’s deputy bureau chief here. The trio of authors have more than five decades of journalism experience between them, and Easton herself has written two other books.
Jennifer Yachnin contributed to this report.