Chewing the Fat

Posted March 5, 2004 at 6:19pm

The Girl Scouts of the USA was sending a rather mixed message during their goodwill lobbying trip to Capitol Hill last week.

While selling tons of boxes of high-calorie cookies in the halls of Congress, the group was also handing Members a one-page sheet on the group’s legislative agenda. The list included

obvious initiatives such as “Promoting Girls’ Involvement in Math, Science and Technology” and “Preventing Youth Violence” across the nation.

But then there was No. 3: “Combating Obesity: Encouraging Healthy Living Among Girls.”

The agenda added, “As obesity skyrockets in the United States, Girl Scouts of the USA is playing a leadership role in addressing obesity among girls through a broad, holistic ‘healthy living’ approach” that focuses on exercise and good nutrition.

As one House aide told HOH of those yummy Samoas and chocolate chocolate chip cookies: “Considering I get fat just looking at them, I thought that was somewhat humorous.” 

Cinderella Story. Like Tiger Woods, Rep. Clay Shaw (R-Fla.) just can’t get enough of “Caddyshack” — the classic comedy starring Bill Murray and Chevy Chase.

“It was a great movie,” Shaw told HOH. “It’s a big favorite of mine.”

While Woods is starring in an American Express commercial playing off one of the movie’s famous scenes, Shaw has decided to throw a fundraiser at the golf club in Fort Lauderdale where the flick was actually filmed.

“This is going to be a good one,” Shaw said of the March 15 event at Grand Oaks, which is owned by high-roller Wayne Huizenga.

The goodie bag will feature a VHS copy of the movie. And while Murray is not expected to make it, there could be some gophers.

Hold the Phone. As if the emerging Colorado Senate race couldn’t get any wackier, long-shot Democratic candidate Mike Miles rushed out an eye-popping advisory on Friday.

Miles revealed that he will hold a conference call with reporters at 1 p.m. Mountain time today unless one or more of the following people schedule “a news conference at the same time to announce they are potentially thinking about possibly considering testing the waters to explore entering” the race:

“Scott McInnis, Ken Salazar, Tom Tancredo, Mark Udall, Bob Beauprez, Diana DeGette, Bob Schaffer, Wellington Webb, Mike Coffman, Jim Martin, Marilyn Musgrave, anyone with the last name Norton, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, Ralph Nader, and The Osbournes.”

Free Martha! News of design diva Martha Stewart’s conviction on four counts of obstructing justice and lying to the government hit an aide to House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) pretty hard.

Pelosi aide Stacy Kerr and her husband, C.R. Wooters of the Democratic National Committee’s political shop, had their wedding featured in the June 2003 issue of Martha Stewart Weddings magazine.

Kerr was undoubtedly mulling whether to take a few days off after co-workers started ribbing her about the fact that the cover of the next issue of Martha Stewart Living magazine might feature stories like “Stripes, the New Black” and “How to Bake a Cake with a Special Treat Inside.”

But the young couple can probably take a bit of solace in the fact that their wedding mag will be fetching some good money on eBay one of these days.

Eye on California. West Coast spies report that Rep. Doug Ose (R-Calif.) showed up at his sister’s primary night “victory” party in Sacramento last Tuesday with a large white patch over one of his eyes.

Ose explained that he was doing chores around the house when a lamp fell on him. Since he’s heading home at the end of the 108th Congress, Ose is probably hoping that’s not an ominous sign of things to come.

It wasn’t exactly a great day for his sister Mary either. The real estate developer finished third in the GOP primary to replace her brother.

Back to the Future. It’s a little eerie to peruse the March page of the official “We the People” calendar that Members give out to constituents at the beginning of each year.

All of the “today in history” entries feature Congressional history from 200 years ago. Highlights include the fact that during this month in 1804 there was news from Haiti of “massacres and mass evacuations.”

Another notation for this week includes news of the Senate impeachment trial of Judge John Pickering (that, of course, is merely coincidental to President Bush’s recent recess appointment of Charles Pickering).

This month in 1804, President Jefferson sought an increase in military spending and the House Ways and Means Committee sent the president a bill to further protect American commerce from the Barbary Pirates.

“President Bush has taken the country so far backward that when he read these entries from 1804 he confused them for current events,” joked one mischievous Democratic aide. “The difference between then and now is that the pirates now control the White House.”

Jonathan Grella, spokesman for House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas), responded by looking into the future:

“November 3, 2004: Lame-duck Sen. Tom Daschle becomes the highest-paid Democrat lobbyist in Washington. November 9, 2004: A week after a taxing defeat, a curiously taut Kerry picks up the pompoms and joins co-star Kirsten Dunst in ‘Bring It On II: Botox Boogaloo.’”