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Jason Crow has the Monday of all Mondays
Members of Congress: They’re just like us

Democratic Rep. Jason Crow is performing his civic duty back home in Colorado today. (Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call file photo)

Updated 1:25 p.m. | Just when you thought Monday couldn’t get any more Monday, Rep. Jason Crow had to find out the hard way how Monday-y this Monday could get. The Democratic congressman was called to fulfill his civic duty this morning at Adams County Court in Brighton, Colorado.

Marc Veasey, are you my Uber?
Texas Democrat favors a little Brooks & Dunn behind the wheel

Texas Rep. Marc Veasey, left, took a few spins as an Uber driver on Thursday back home in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. Above, Veasey poses with his last drop-off of the day. (Courtesy Twitter/Rep. Marc Veasey)

If you assume that all members of Congress get from Point A to Point B by way of large black SUVs hauled by well-dressed drivers in flat caps, pump the brakes.

Marc Veasey is here to prove that he can not only drive himself, he can also drive around residents of the greater Dallas-Fort Worth area. The Democratic congressman from Texas took a few spins around the Lone Star block as an Uber driver Thursday afternoon, and his trips were anything but lone.

The Mueller report meme game has been strong on the internet
The internet quickly latched on to jokes related to redactions, and some poked fun at the report’s biggest players

Media films a few pages of special counsel Robert Mueller's report on Russian interference in the 2016 election which was printed out by staff in the House Judiciary Committee's hearing room on Thursday, April 18, 2019. (Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call)

The highly anticipated release of the Mueller report prompted a hefty dose of partisan debate, but it also flooded the internet with hilarious memes.

The internet quickly latched on to jokes related to extended information blackouts scattered throughout the report, and meme fabricators poked fun at high-profile individuals intimately involved in the investigation.

The Mueller report is exactly as long as Kim Kardashian’s coffee table book
The special counsel and the reality star both love the number 448. The similarities are uncanny

Kim Kardashian is studying to be a lawyer. (JP Yim/Getty Images)

With all of the heated discussion surrounding the release of today’s Mueller report (and I know what you’re thinking, “What Mueller report?”), I can’t help but notice one thing that’s been redacted (see what I did there?) from the conversation: the ungodly amount of pages in this thing.Now, I’d like to wishfully think that minimal paper has been wasted, since the report was delivered on a CD — because today is Thursday, after all, and apparently we’re throwing it back to 1997. But 448 pages? Random, right?

Not so much. It turns out Robert Mueller isn’t the only law enthusiast who’s penned a literary work (of sorts) at this length. 

What happened when I went to a baseball game instead of reading the Mueller report
Some in Washington scrambled. Others spent the day eating Dippin’ Dots

Something happened in Washington on Thursday: the Nats played the Giants. Above, fans pose for photos with George Washington in the stands at Nationals Park in 2017. (Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call file photo)

You didn’t have to venture far from the Capitol on Thursday to find a crowd of Washingtonians who weren’t overwhelmed by the Mueller report.

Patrick Corbin, the newest Nationals star starting pitcher, took the mound a little after 1 p.m., before key Democrats like House Judiciary Chairman Jerrold Nadler or Senate Intelligence Vice Chairman Mark Warner had even weighed in on the substance of the report.

And the award for most laconic Mueller tweet goes to …
Sean Duffy doesn’t have time for 280 characters, and neither does Bobby Rush

Wisconsin Rep. Sean P. Duffy kept it simple Thursday on Twitter. He’d rather be podcasting, an aide said. (Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call file photo)

If you go on Twitter today (which we know you will), you’ll drown in the same tweets highlighting the same quotes from Attorney General William Barr’s press conference ahead of the highly anticipated release of the Mueller report on Russia’s interference in the 2016 election.

You’ll of course also find several members of Congress weighing in on said events, with wordy testimonies within multiple threads — which they are at liberty to do, given the First Amendment and the large platform to First Amendment on. Yes, we just made that into a verb.

Photos of the Week: Hot dishes, tulips and high fives
The week of April 12 as captured by Roll Call’s photographers

Tulips bloom on the West Front of the Capitol on Monday. (Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call)

Congress is heading out of town for its two-week April recess, but members had an eventful week before they hit the road. 

Spring entered full bloom as Minnesota members enjoyed delicious hotdishes during their annual cooking competition, and Democrats pow-wowed in Leesburg, Virginia, for their retreat — with some celebrity guests.

Dear senators: More conflict please

Maybe a little MORE conflict is what the Senate needs to get out of its funk. (Laura Patterson/CQ Roll Call file photo)

The Senate pushed the nuclear option, again, to change its rules so judicial and executive nominees are subject to less debate. With a debate that featured Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell delivering such eloquent bon mots as “He started it!” at Minority Leader Charles E. Schumer, it’s fair to ask what it will take to restore the chamber to a place that looks like it’s populated with adults. 

“Ironically, I think it’s going to take more conflict,” says James Wallner, a senior fellow at the R Street Institute, former Senate aide and all-around procedural badass.

How to level up on Tinder using LegiStorm. (Why didn’t we think of this?)
Calling all DC daters: If they work in Congress, their salary is out there. Do with that what you will

What shelf can your date afford? Turn to LegiStorm to find out. (Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call)

All hail Scott, a very savvy congressional intern who called into Gimlet Media’s “Reply All” podcast last week.

This Scott, you see, is dating in D.C., and he believes in doing his due diligence, especially when it comes to the one romantic quality that sets hearts a-fluttering: earning power. 

Ocasio-Cortez tells Bobby Berk of ‘Queer Eye’ to swing by her ‘bach pad/warehouse type’ office
Decorating and design advice from Berk could cross House Ethics rules

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., says her office could use the expertise of “Queer Eye” designer Bobby Berk. (Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call file photo)

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez says her office is looking like a bachelor pad or a warehouse and she hopes Bobby Berk, star of the Netflix show “Queer Eye,” can give her some help. But she might want to review House ethics rules and recent history first. 

“Hey @AOC! I’m in DC all week girl! Put me to work! ‘Have time... will work for democracy!’” Berk tweeted early Tuesday morning.