Heard on the Hill

Lincoln Memorial Gets Slimed

Seriously? Green splat on the Lincoln Memorial?

The splatter of green paint on the ground of the statue and flanking Lincoln's left side puzzled the United States Park Police, who traced the vandalism to early Friday morning.

Maybe The Hulk went for a run and its his sweat the authorities found? Doubtful. The last time he was seen, in "Iron Man 3," he seemed pretty sleepy. Alien slime? Unlikely, although the Corcoran's exhibit, Ellen Harvey: The Alien's Guide to the Ruins of Washington, D.C., suggest aliens are keeping on eye on things.

Maybe the vandal was inspired by one of the superhero splatter paintings on the Internet? Someone should have told the person it's all digitally created.

Since honest Abe can't tell us, the public will have to wait until police finish reviewing surveillance footage.

Anyone going to the Mall should beware of the police tape. The hipster hijinks or misplaced artistic expression or full-on act of vandalism will close the Lincoln Memorial until crews manage to clean up all the green paint.