Don’t believe us? Let’s go through it step by step:
“Conservative Republican Rep. Thaddeus McCotter [Mich.] seeks six capable, industrious interns for the Summer and Fall,” the ad begins normally enough.
Then it goes on to talk about start dates and intern responsibilities, which includes “assisting staff in a million incidental and unforeseeable ways.” (Yes! Now it begins.)
“Appointees [um ... shouldn’t they be hires?] will gain valuable experience in House functions [gross] and learn first-hand how the hippest and most dynamic office on The Hill operates,” says the hippest and most dynamic office on the hill.
Even better, the interns will be paid $500 to $1,000 per month “depending on qualifications and fitness.” (Seriously, how fit do you have to be to be an intern? If memory serves, we spent an awful lot of time being entirely unfit for anything when we were doing our time.)
The ad goes on to say that only conservatives with “solid pro-life beliefs and strong work ethic” will be considered, which is fair enough.
But then it busts out our favorite line: “Those who are lazy and shiftless and hold liberal beliefs are unlikely to be comfortable here.” Because lazy and shiftless is generally fine, it’s the liberal beliefs that just will not do?
The ad then ends on a mysterious note. Candidates are urged to send in a résumé, cover letter and “some type of writing sample.” But, what kind of writing sample?! Not one person knows and all must wait for the sequel to find out.
United We Dream protesters carry a mock coffin to the office of Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, in the Dirksen Senate Office Building on Monday, July 21, 2014, to hold one of their "funeral services for the Republican Party" due to GOP positions on immigration. The immigration reform group visited several other Senate Republican offices to hold similar funeral services.