Oct. 24, 2014 SIGN IN | REGISTER
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HOH’s One-Minute Recess: Dawn of the Political Dead

At HOH, we take our jobs seriously. So seriously that when TeaPartyZombiesMustDie.com debuted this week, we knew we had to write a serious game review about it.

Now, we may not be gamers — we are, in fact, not gamers — but we’ve done some battles here and there. We’ve rescued Princess Peach from the evil King Bowser. We’ve watched the World of Warcraft episode of “South Park.” So we’re kind of expert-like.

And such a politically themed game is too tempting to ignore.

The game, created by StarvingEyes Advergaming, starts easily enough: Move around with the arrow keys on the keyboard, switch between weapons with “Z,” hit or shoot with “C.” It’s comparable to GoldenEye 007 for the Nintendo 64 (See? Expert analysis).

Armed with nothing but a crowbar, you attack the Generic Pissed Off Old White Guy Zombie (no really, that’s his name). One good whack and he’s toast.

As the game progresses, though, the zombies get harder and harder to kill. The Pissed Off Stupid White Trash Redneck Birther Zombie needs to be hit twice before he dies. And we lost count of how many times you have to hit the Expresses Racist Views Anonymously on the Internet Modern Klan Zombie, but it’s a lot.

We recommend keeping an eye out for the upgrades. The crowbar is cool, but the guns are easier to wield (though our aim could use some work).

The key is to make sure you’re not overwhelmed by too many zombies. If you’ve got six of them ganging up against you, sorry, but you’re probably going to die. The zombies show no mercy (well, of course not, they’re zombies). Fewer than 10 hits from them and you’re dead.

When you die, the screen blares the message, “YOU’VE BEEN TEABAGGED!” And just for good measure, when you die, the creators of the game point out that you died because you didn’t have health insurance and that there is no God, so you’re dead for eternity. (Subtle.)

But while they tell you you’re dead for eternity, the game allows you to pick up from the last level you played. And it’s thanks to this handy device that HOH made it past the Trailer Park levels. We even got to read the tidbits of information/propaganda that the creators throw in. Unfortunately, we didn’t get much further than that. The Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann zombies are “banshees” that swing at you from the sky. Even with fully restored life points and a shotgun in hand, it’s impossible to kill all of the generic zombies, Palin and Bachmann (who is clad only in a bra and a skirt? What’s up with that, game creators?).

We hope you have found this review helpful. If you know of other such games, maybe Union Organizer Zombies Must Pay Crushing Dues to Support Liberal Politics or something, drop us a line. We’d love to review it, too.

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