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Election night 2014 is looking like it’ll be a nail-biter.  

With so many variables in play — Will the Affordable Care Act ultimately prove detrimental to Democrats' professional health? Who will independent candidates caucus with on Capitol Hill? How long (and how many runoffs) before we divine the next Senate majority leader? — one might be tempted to grab a drink, catch a movie and perhaps wait for “The Daily Show” recap on Wednesday, rather than suffer through umpteen hours of wall-to-wall news coverage.  

But that’s not how #ThisTown rolls, is it? (Join Roll Call for Election night coverage with up-to-the-minute analysis of every House and Senate race across the country.) Those who’ve staked time, money and career opportunities on the swirling races will be glued to the trickling-in results until the wee hours of the morning. HOH is confident you’ll find brothers-in-arms at the following locations:  

1) Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee Election Day Luncheon — Joe’s Seafood, Prime Steak & Stone Crab/750 15th St. NW; noon to 2 p.m.; private function.  

“It is a supporter appreciation lunch and is invitation-only,” a DCCC aide told HOH about the hush-hush mid-day meet-up.  

2) Rep. Rob Wittman, R-Va., watch party — Globe & Laurel Restaurant/3987 Jefferson Davis Highway, Stafford, Va.; 6 p.m. to 9 p.m; (RSVP required ).  

Enjoy some free appetizers with Team Wittman during your commute home. “Please stop by anytime between 6 and 9PM,” the Wittman campaign suggests. Interested parties can sign up via Eventbrite.  

3) 2014 Midterm Elections watch party — Busboys and Poets/14th and V streets NW; starts at 7 p.m.; free admission.  

All the Busboys and Poets locations in the area will host midterm watch parties beginning at 7 p.m. Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton, D-D.C., is scheduled to take in the scene (think: drink specials, TVs tuned to cable news feeds and lively political discussion all around) at the flagship location.  

4) Ed Gillespie campaign watch party — Embassy Suites/8100 Loisdale Road, Springfield, Va.; 7 p.m. to 10:30 p.m.; free (RSVP required ).  

Former Republican National Committee chairman and current Senate hopeful Ed Gillespie hunkers down with House hopeful Suzanne Scholte and members of the Fairfax County Republican Committee and 11th Congressional District Republican Committee to learn their collective fates. Interested parties can sign up via Eventbrite.  

5) Sen. Mark Warner, D-Va., watch party — Doubletree Hotel/300 Army Navy Drive, Arlington, Va.; starts at 7 p.m..  

Sen. Tim Kaine, D-Va., is expected to join his long-standing friend and political partner, Mark Warner, on election night.  

6) DCCC Election Night Reception — Capitol Hill home of Rep. Chellie Pingree, D-Maine; startst at 7 p.m.; invitation only.  

“Address provided upon RSVP,” is all the information provided on the insider-y invite to an evening at the D.C. home of Mr. and Mrs. Farm-to-Table dining . A Pingree aide told HOH the congresswoman merely donated the use of her dwelling; she plans to spend election night in Maine.  

7) GOP supporters — W Hotel/515 15th St. NW; 7:30 p.m. to midnight; registration required.  

Per hotel staff, D.C. Republicans can unload their coats and register for the evening’s festivities in the Studio Space of the W beginning at 6:30 p.m. They’ll be able to ride up to the famed POV rooftop lounge promptly at 7:30 p.m., where they’ll be treated to open bars and passed hors d’oeuvres.  

8) Republican National Committee war room — RNC HQ/310 First St. SE; starts at  7 p.m.; closed press.  

RNC staff will try and digest the evening’s happenings from within their sanctuary. Chairman Reince Priebus, who is also scheduled to participate in the election night broadcast of "The Daily Show" at 11 p.m., is expected to give media an update around 10 p.m.  

9) Accuracy in Media watch party — 18627 Reliant Drive, Gaithersburg, Md.; 8 p.m. to 11 p.m.; free (RSVP required ).  

“We want to invite you to join with like-minded conservatives to watch the results as the Republicans take control of the Senate and elect a Republican governor in Maryland,” AIM Chairman Don Irvine says online. Interested parties can sign up via Eventbrite.  

10) Center Forward bipartisan watch party — Hill Country/410 Seventh St. NW; startst at 8 p.m.; RSVP required.  

An event promoter suggested that food and drink specials would be available, but did not specify what goodies would be provided.  Former Blue Dog Democrats/current Center Forward figureheads Robert E. “Bud” Cramer of Alabama, John Tanner of Tennessee and Baron Hill of Indiana typically attend such functions “when they are in town,” an aide explained. No current members are expected to appear. Interested parties should RSVP to april@center-forward.org.  

11) Charles Allen campaign watch party — Molly Malone’s/713 Eighth St. SE; starts at 8 p.m.; free admission.  

Charles Allen, the Democrat vying to replace his boss, outgoing Councilmember Tommy Wells, as the voice of Ward 6 has arranged to have results from the D.C. Board of Election live-streamed at the Barracks Row watering hole. Team Allen is expected to kick it live on the second floor of the bar.  

What Election? Politics not really your thing? There are plenty of opportunities to get away from it all.  

1) Harris Teeter at The Yards grand opening — 401 M. St. SE; starts at 5:30 p.m.; free admission.  

Grocery giant Harris Teeter moves into the Navy Yard neighborhood, throwing open the doors to its new 50,000 square foot location and offering a “Taste of Teeter” showcase of in-house products (long live free samples!).  

2) Brightest Young Things & New Belgium Brewing “Ranger Games” happy hour — H Street Country Club/1335 H St. NE; 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.; free (RSVP required ).  

Team BYT is urging attendees to gird their loins for skeeball, mini golf, musical chairs and “physical challenges.” Patrons can also participate in the #FINDARANGER contest , the winner of which gains entrée into the “Ultimate Ranger Banquet” on Dec. 3 at a super secret location somewhere in D.C. Interested parties can sign up via Eventbrite.  

3) Beer School — Whole Foods/2323 Wisconsin Ave. NW; 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m.; free admission (RSVP recommended ).  

Brush up on your appreciate of craft brews with Whole Foods marketing guru Jessica Reinhart. Interested parties can sign up via Eventbrite.  

4) The Dinner Social “Battle Chef Edition” — Chaplin Restaurant & Bar/1501 Ninth St. NW; 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.; (registration required ).  

The traveling dining club settles in for a five-course cook-off ($50 per person) in Shaw. Think: Sriracha lobster, filet mignon with wilted greens, and shrimp and crab étouffée, all prepared by competing local chefs. Interested parties can sign up via Eventbrite.  

5) Tuesdays With Funnie: The DMV Roast — The Brixton/901 U St. NW; 7 p.m. to 10 p.m.; free (donations accepted).  

Improv troupe takes a shot at roasting mock mayoral candidates — Chelsea Shorte will portray Muriel Bowser, Donnie Sengstack channels David Catania and Katherine Jessup does up Carol Schwartz — on election night. The Brixton promises happy hour drink specials from 7 to 10 p.m. Doors open at 7 p.m., the show starts at 8 p.m.  

6) Underground Comedy — Vendetta/1212 H St. NE; 7:30 p.m. to 10:30 p.m.; free (RSVP required ).  

New and rising comics hone their acts for laughter-starved Washingtonians. First come, first served seating. Must be 21 or over to attend.  

7) The Welcoming Committee Newbie Party — The Big Hunt/1345 Connecticut Ave NW; 7:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m.; free admittance (RSVP recommended ).  

Offering a taste of this LGBTQ group’s impromptu “takeovers” — “We recreate the comfort of being at a gay bar everywhere we go. For one night only.” — for the uninitiated. Interested parties can sign up via Eventbrite.  

8) SpeedDC Dating — Brickside Food & Drink/4866 Cordell Ave., Bethesda, Md.; 8 p.m. to 10 p.m.; $34 fee (registration required ).  

Meet a whole mess of other singles lickety-split. Interested parties can sign up via Eventbrite.  

   

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