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Texas Pols Go to Bat for Astros (Updated)

Updated 3:31 p.m. | A bipartisan group of House lawmakers from the Lone Star State put Missouri pols on notice Thursday: acts of aggression against the Houston Astros will not be tolerated.  

Rep. Pete Olson, R-Texas, authored a stern warning — signed by three-quarters of the Texas delegation — to colleagues from the Show-Me State expressing deep dissatisfaction with the state of affairs between the dueling ball clubs.  

(Courtesy Pete Olson)

(Courtesy Pete Olson)

   

“A state of war exists between the Astros and the Cardinal Empire,” Olson et al. ribbed their counterparts in response to reports that members of the St. Louis Cardinals’ organization may have hacked into Houston Astros’ computer systems. “There is no blinking at the fact that our team, our fans, and the sanctity of the game of baseball are in grave danger.”  

Per staff, Olson hand-delivered the mischievous missive to every member from Missouri he was able to run down. The most common response?  

“A couple of them made cracks that Jeff Luhnow should have changed his password,” Team Olson told HOH.  

The Cardinals fans in Congress have responded in kind, throwing a litany of pennant victories past in the faces of the championship-less Texans.  

(Courtesy Missouri delegation)

(Courtesy Missouri delegation)

To wit, the Missourians punctuated their retort with an offer to school the Astros’ front office on proper cyber security.  

“Can hostilities and a state of war exist when one side can so easily defeat their enemy? When a simple password combination of ‘12345,’ or ‘password,’ even perhaps ‘qwerty’ is enough to break through and bring down the entire Astros personnel operation can it really be considered ‘hacking?’” the eight House members of the Missouri delegation who signed the retaliatory strike — citing “Spaceballs” in the process — openly wondered.  

“We would be happy to help facilitate a meeting between the Astros and OPM to learn more about strong password protection,” the “Best Fans in Baseball” signed off.  

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