Ernie, perhaps one of the most famous roomies in children’s television history , appears ready to trade his storied neighborhood for another well-known address: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
The world-renowned Muppet is following in the footsteps of other entertainers who dumped showbiz for civil service by giving this whole presidential thing a go.
I am running for President of the United States because America needs a political revolution...and more bubble baths. pic.twitter.com/HV6exXq6rI— Ernie Sanders (@Ernie4President) May 1, 2015
Those behind the nascent campaign told HOH their intention is not to mock Vermont independent Sen. Bernard Sanders, who is pursuing his own bid for the Oval Office, but to offer yet another alternative to the quickly mounting field of contenders. “Everyone who believes in their country should be able to run for president,” Team Ernie Sanders (slick bit of branding, there) said.
“That being said, the press has characterized Bernie's campaign as an attempt to move [Hillary Rodham Clinton] to the left. If that’s the case, then Ernie is trying to move the left and and right towards the middle … of common sense and decency,” the political puppeteers said of their philosophic endgame.
So far, there’s been no discussion of top priorities (continued funding for public broadcasting seems like a no-brainer) or ideological imperatives.
And the prospective base is still being defined.
“Ernie is targeting anyone and everyone who believes in making America a friendlier place. No matter their political affiliations or the color of their skin/felt,” Team ES stated.
But the group has given plenty of thought to the composition of its cabinet.
“Obviously Bert is a front-runner for the VP slot if Ernie wins the presidency,” Team ES counseled. “Other front runners: The Count would head the Department of Commerce, Elmo would be Secretary of State [buh-bye, Mr. Kerry!], Oscar the Grouch would head the Department of Defense, Grover would head the Department of Transportation, the Cookie Monster would head up the USDA, Big Bird would head the Department of Education and Snuffleupagus would head the Department of Homeland Security.”
That organizational structure could, however, get shaken up by power-hungry players.
“Keep an eye out for the Cookie Monster,” our source warned. “We hear he had lap band surgery and switched over to a Paleo diet … so he will have a new and rejuvenated look in the coming months.”
Those concerned about handing over control of the free world to a song-singing, game-playing, duck-toting individual should know that the baby-faced bachelor has begun acting his age. He even granted late night talk show host Conan O’Brien exclusive access to his first colonoscopy.
A probing interview, to be sure.
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