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House Republican Schedulers Not Down With Shortening Recess

The threat of possibly having to return to Washington next week kicked a number of House GOP aides into fight mode Tuesday, stirring up a series of angry emails denouncing leaders for endangering the anticipated August recess.  

   

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Things got off to a pleasant enough start.  

An assistant to House Majority Whip Steve Scalise, R-La., got the ball rolling by alerting everyone on the right side of the aisle that, barring any unforeseen circumstances, the chamber would be done with work by Wednesday.  

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“Woop there it is!” cheered a relieved Ohioan upon learning there were no votes expected Thursday.  

But joy quickly turned to misery, once someone floated a nightmare scenario.  

“Apparently the issue is we might come back next week,” a party-pooper threw out there. That opened the floodgates to a whole mess of pent up frustration.  

“No. no. no. no. no. no. no.,” declared a shell-shocked aide.  

“If they do it …" an incensed Indianan warned, punctuating the angry missive with a screen grab from the film “Taken” overlaid with a familiar call to visit bodily harm on meddlesome foes.  

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“Go on strike like these guys ….” a Pennsylvanian advised, attaching an image of the cast of “Newsies” preparing to engage in fisticuffs.  

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Others, like a “30 Rock”-savvy Georgian, got straight-up panic attack-y.  

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“I’m going to go talk to some food about this,” the reeling Republican staffer posted, taking a page from emotional eater extraordinaire, fake TV exec Liz Lemon.  

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