The horrors! Rep. Kenny Marchant’s (R-Texas) grandbabies are going to school in the district of Rep. Pete Sessions (R-Texas), and this can no longer stand!
Texas — like many other states — is in the midst of redistricting, which is a tricky business in the best of times and downright shady any other time.
According to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Marchant very sweetly asked a lawyer working for the state House Republicans to do him a solid and grab his grandchildren’s school from Sessions’ district and plop it into his. No big.
You see, his “grand babies go to Hockaday School on forest lane AND Inwood,” Marchant said in the email. “I have the north side of forest, Pete [Sessions] has the south side.” OK. ... Go on, sir.
“Please go across the street,” he said. “And pluck the campus out of Pete and put in my district.”
(First of all, Marchant clearly lives in a Grimm fairy tale. There are forests and children being plucked? Terrifying. Second of all, how big are these guys? Should we be concerned if they are eating campuses full of children? There is an obesity epidemic going on for the love of Pete Sessions.)
We know what you’re thinking: Marchant’s knowledge of Texas Congressional district lines and the Dallas independent school districts is pretty dang phenomenal.
Well, no, probably not.
This week, Marchant filed his annual financial disclosure form — 1834 pages! — and we noticed that for some reason, printed Google Maps directions from Marchant’s district office to the Hurst-Euless-Bedford Independent School District (where his grandbabies go to school) were included as pages 333 and 334.
Maybe he had to pick up the grandbabies from school that day? Perhaps, but it looks like the route was mapped in July, which is summer vacation across this great land.
The schoolchildren memo is just one excerpt from more than 400 pages of emails released earlier this week between Texas Republican lawmakers in Washington and Austin, which may (or may not) show a concerted effort to further solidify Republican control in the state through redistricting efforts.
Well, who can blame them? It’s all about the grandbabies.