“When bad things happen to good people, it’s probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer. And I can’t wait to see what Jack Bauer has in store for the bad guys this season on ‘24.’”
Was it a blogger? A football announcer? President Palmer? Chuck Norris? Of course not, silly rabbit, it was Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas). And Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) will soon be recorded saying something similar.
Cornyn, the former Texas attorney general, is a devoted watcher of the Fox show and has recorded two promotional TV spots for its upcoming season premiere. The ads will run on Fox News Channel beginning Friday.
And a GOP source said McCain — a fellow “24” fan who actually appeared on the show last season — also has agreed to tape some promos this week.
That first quote above was one of Cornyn’s scripts. The second script: “Here in Congress protecting the American people and winning the war on terror is our number one priority. But has anyone also noticed that there have been no terrorist attacks in the United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television? Think about it. And check out this season of ‘24.’”
“We wanted to show people another side to legislators, the funny side,” explained Cornyn spokesman Brian Walsh.
Of course, there’s nothing funny about Jack Bauer. In fact, Jack Bauer would laugh in the face of danger, but Jack Bauer doesn’t laugh.
Like Sands Through the Hourglass. Yes, the 110th Congress was gaveled into session in the House on Thursday, and yes, the chamber held nine recorded votes last week. But no, the Democrats’ vaunted “first 100 hours” has not expired yet.
When did the clock actually start? Let’s look at the press release that was issued around midday Tuesday by the office of House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md.):
“Today the Speaker’s Office has announced that the 100 Hours clock will start at the beginning of debate on the ‘Implementing 9/11 Commission Recommendations’ Act, not at noon. Therefore, the clock will begin ticking at approximately 1:30 p.m.”
The clock — which can be seen at majorityleader.gov — actually started at 1:01 p.m., according to the extraordinarily precise clock on HOH’s computer. (Full disclosure: HOH’s phone said it was 1:02.)
Got that? HOH was told there would be no math, but by his calculation, the “first 100 hours” began on the sixth day since Congress began, and the third day the House was actually in session. And it didn’t start when the House considered a resolution honoring the late President Gerald Ford on Tuesday. Basically, it started when Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) — whose office didn’t respond to a request for comment — said it started. And that was 1 p.m. Give or take.
United We Dream protesters carry a mock coffin to the office of Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, in the Dirksen Senate Office Building on Monday, July 21, 2014, to hold one of their "funeral services for the Republican Party" due to GOP positions on immigration. The immigration reform group visited several other Senate Republican offices to hold similar funeral services.