Heard on the Hill

What Late Night Viewers Really Want

Talk show host Jimmy Fallon has challenged the Twitterverse to come up with a goofy political platform, gathering the hopes/dreams/maniacal plans of the microblogging savvy beneath the #IfIWerePresident umbrella.

Per Fallon’s original post, the cyber-confessions might be used for a bit in the future.

But why wait for NBC execs to pass judgment on the crowd-sourced comedy when we here at HOH have cataloged and cross-referenced some of the most pertinent posts to date:

Congressional reform

  • Everyone in Congress must dress up in full Clown costume every Monday as reminder to work and stop clowning around!
  • Mandatory dunce hats for all members of Congress.
  • I would create a special holiday called progress day. Its when congress actually does something productive. crazy right?


  • I would give tax cuts to our active duty and retired military instead of the billionaires
  • I'd make all conservatives' tax documents public knowledge.
  • Every real redhead would get a tax break called a #GingerSolution
Health care
  • Cheers will be back on TV. College football playoffs. Pay teachers more. Teach improv in high schools. Healthier fast food
  • Ice cold beer followed by an afternoon nap will be part of every workday, but not all of us at once that would be anarchy

Campaign reform
  • I would make each candidate contribute the same $ to decrease the national debt as they spend campaigning
  • I would ban political advertising and make candidates have dance contests in order to gain votes.
  • I would end every speech with, "As the prophecy has proclaimed".
Food policy
  • There would be no bacon shortages. #JustSayin
  • In-N-Out would be in every capital city of every state... At least!!!
Election free-for-all
  • Marvel's Next Avenger: The Incredible Biden.
  • I would change the requirements to becoming president so that Arnold finally could rule the world.